“A casual relationship with reality”
Categories: Books, Movies
Remember the movie "Adaptation"? In it, Donald Kaufman, Charlie Kaufman's fictitious brother, is reading "Story" by Robert McKee, and eventually Charlie attends one of his seminars. For most of the movie, "Story" is kind of ridiculed and so as a result I've always kind of looked down on this book I hadn't read and knew nothing about.
As it turns out, "Story" is really, really great. It's really an exemplary text on writing screenplays, in part because McKee eschews the lame clichés Donald Kaufman embraced in his writing. In fact, I've come to realize that Kaufman (the real one) probably has a very great respect for McKee. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to write.
By the way, since I know he never reads my blog, someone tell Noka I'll let him borrow the book when I'm through with it.
Anyhow, like I said, it's great. But I've got one big complaint. And it has to do with "Star Wars", because I'm a geek who was born in 1975.
See, on page 305, McKee is talking about "Crisis within the Climax" and one of the examples he uses to illustrate it is at the end of "A New Hope": "As [Luke] maneuvers his craft by computer, he hears the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi: 'Go with the Force, go with the Force.'"
Okay... Okay...
Okay...
Wait... What the fuck? I mean, seriously, what the fuck? It's "Use the Force, Luke", goddammnit! Everyone knows it's "Use the Force, Luke". This isn't a minor issue, man, it's one of the single most famous lines in the entire damn history of the movies. Around the globe, everyone born after 1975 (and most born before it) knows it's "Use the Force, Luke"! Second-graders get this line right. Crazy homeless bums on the street get this line right. Nepalese sherpas struggling up Mount Everest probably say it to themselves to get over the next peak.
I mean, how can you possibly screw this up? What's next? Ending Casablanca with Rick Blaine saying "Louie, I think you're a pretty kick-ass guy"? "There's no place like that place I used to live"? "As God is my witness, I shall continue to eat!"??!!!
I mean, yeah, I know I'm anal about these sorts of things, but I think it's important to accurately quote one of the most famous lines ever written, especially when you're writing a book about screenwriting.
Way to go, McKee!
But his near total ignorance of important Star Wars facts goes even further, and this next one he mentions several times throughout the book. It comes as he discusses the end of "The Empire Strikes Back":
Luke musters his courage and chooses to fight. However, when Vader suddenly steps back and says: "You can't kill me, Luke... I'm your father," Luke's reality splinters. In a flash he realizes the truth and now must make yet another Crisis Decision: whether to kill his father.
Luke confronts the agony of this decision and chooses to fight. But Vader cuts off his hand and Luke drops to the deck. Still, it's not over. Vader announces that he wants Luke to join his campaign to bring "order to things" in the universe. A second Gap opens as Luke realizes that his father doesn't want him dead, he's offering him a job. He must make a third Crisis Decision, a lesser-of-two-evils: to join the "dark side" or take his own life? He makes the heroic choice, and as these Gaps explode, the Climax delivers deep rushes of insight uniting two films.
Yeah, that's a great ending. But, dammnit McKee, you totally screwed it all up again! First of all, Vader doesn't say "You can't kill me, Luke, I'm your father." What happens is Vader asks Luke if Obi-Wan ever told him the truth about Luke's father. Luke says Obi-Wan told him Vader killed him. And Vader says "No... I am your father!". And I know what you're thinking. What if he was just paraphrasing? But no, that's not it, because he says it several times throughout the book. In quotes. It ain't paraphrasing, that's how he thinks the line goes. Which is completely ridiculous, if for no other reason then because Vader considers it against his Sith code of ethics to ever use a contraction. And cheaply misquoting it completely changes the meaning of the exchange.
And that lame misquote comes after Vader cuts off Luke's hand. Not before, AFTER... Affffttttteeeeerrrrr. I know this seems like cheap fanboy nitpicking, and yeah, in a way it is. Like the title of the post says, I have precision issues. But once again, it significantly changes the meaning if Luke learns this before getting his hand sliced off instead of after. It completely changes the emotional experience for the audience if there's more fighting after the big revelation. It's just wrong, man.
And it's not like getting the end of some obscure movie like "Proof" a little wrong. This is the single most famous surprise ending ever. It's more famous than Kaiser Soze, more famous than Bruce Willis being dead already, more famous than the sleigh named Rosebud. So, pretty please, get it right, punk.
Like I said, precision issues.
posted by Mark Kawakami at March 24, 2005, 11:03 PM // permalink // (8) Comments